


immortals without hats (ep 1)

by ficlet monster nom nom nom (IndridGrey)



Series: immortals without hats [1]
Category: Llamas with Hats (Web Series), Supernatural
Genre: But mostly just crack, Cannibalism, Corpse Desecration, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Humor, Other, Parody, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:00:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndridGrey/pseuds/ficlet%20monster%20nom%20nom%20nom
Summary: Castiel comes home to find a dead human in the living room.
Relationships: Castiel/Meg Masters
Series: immortals without hats [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717030
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	immortals without hats (ep 1)

**Author's Note:**

> once upon a time I was signed up for a media big bang; didn't get real far ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Castiel entered the living room and stopped short. There was a corpse covered in blood propped against the living room wall. _Why_ was there a corpse covered in blood propped against the living room wall? He certainly hadn't put it there, which meant either their house had been broken in to and bizarrely vandalized, or his housemate was responsible. All things considered, it was almost definitely the latter.

"Meeeeeeg," he called out loud enough to be heard if she was in the house.

Her face popped up over the couch arm a few yards away. Her dark curls were slightly mussed but her eyes were bright and awake. She gave him a once over with a wicked smirk.

" 'Sup, babe?"

He was only distracted by the flirtation for a split second.

"There's a dead human in our house."

She looked down where the blood was smeared on the wall, pooled on the tiled floor, and soaked into the victim's clothes. Then she got up to stand beside him, eyebrows lifted up in mild, obviously fake surprise.

"Oh, hey. How did that get here?"

"Meggg, what did you do?!"

She put a hand over her heart to accompany her offended gape. "Me? I didn't do this."

"Meg! Explain what happened, Meg."

She curled her burgundy lips into a shrug of a smile and lied through her teeth. "I've never seen him before in my life."

"Why did you kill this person, Meg?"

"I don't kill people," she said insincerely. "That--that is my _least_ favorite thing to do."

Castiel put his hands on his hips, something she had told him repeatedly made him look like a bird trying to seem bigger. He tried not to let the heated second-over she gave him distract him. There was a corpse two feet away for heaven's sake.

"Tell me, Meg, exactly what you were doing before I got home."

"Alright. Okay, well, I was upstairs."

"Uh huh," he encouraged.

"I was sitting in my room, watching a torture-heavy movie."

"Yes, go on."

"And then this guy walked in."

So their house had been broke in to. "Okay...."

"And I went up to him and I, uh,"--she shrugged--"I stabbed him 37 times in the chest," she said matter-of-factly.

Castiel just blinked at her for a moment.

"Meeegggg, that _kills_ people!"

"Oh! Oh, wow, I did not know that. I thought the movies were exaggerating for dramatic effect."

"How could you not know that?"

"Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I suck. I could blow you to make up for it?"

"What happened to his hands?"

"What?"

"His hands." Castiel pointed at the messy amputations. "Why...why are they missing?"

"Well, I, uh, I kinda cooked 'em up. And ate them."

"...."

"...."

"Mmmmmmmeg!"

"I was hungry," she said with another shrug. "And, well, when you're craving hands, that's--"

"Why on Earth would you do that??"

"I was hungry for hands, gimme a break."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Meggggg."

She grinned up at him, glimmering with mischief. He hated that she was still beautiful to him even though there was a person she'd _murdered and partially ate_ two feet away.

"My stomach was making the rumblies--"

"Meg!"

" --that only hands would satisfy."

"What is _wrong_ with you, Meg?"

"Well, I kill people and eat hands, so that's two things."

Castiel turned to leave.

"There's still some left over if you want it!"

He closed the front door behind himself.

**Author's Note:**

> 💙
> 
> (This was copy and pasted from Trello so if there's weird formatting or typos I didn't catch lemme know)


End file.
